A New Life With My Parents
- Love Yourself Love Your Health
- Apr 10, 2017
- 6 min read
My mom was a caregiver all her life. She worked and took care of my sister and I the best she knew how. My moms parents died before she was 16. She married my dad shortly after and as she says "we are attached and do not know how to live without each other. " Pretty accurate standpoint from my stance. There were many times in my life I thought my parents should be divorced. That is not my choice or decision and I have observed my parents and why they chose the patterns they have . Who am I to decide their happiness? I have accepted their relationship but choose not to let it embark on my choices, or my family. Which is where growth and communication come into play. My parents were always amazing with my boys in their growing up. There was a lapse in my relationship with my parents... due to both of our families and where we were in life's stance. When Jared had cancer he rekindled the relationship which I believe all things happen for a reason. My Dad continues to grow with my mom's guidance. He is misunderstood in many ways with a willingness to understand the urgency of change. We as a family embark on this journey. I will never forget this picture of my mom and I ....2 days after her heart attack... the time I spent with her when I surprised her arriving in NJ is a blessing to both of our hearts. My parents told me not to come. They said they were fine. I heard to go and always have lead my decisions with my intuition.
Now lets talk about my dad... His parents were the only grandparents I knew and they lived close to us. He took care of them as they aged and I was lucky to spend time with them. My dad is an amazing man.. A hard worker, always provided for our family....yet handled things different from my mom. As a kid I never knew if I was doing things right and always heard I could do them better. I knew my dad didn't mean anything by this but it was tough as a little girl. I use to sit in the stands of my dad's basketball games on Tuesday nights yelling don't hurt my dad! Being his biggest cheerleader waiting for his approval. That didn't often happen and I grew up without it. With my parents growing older.. us growing as a family and realizing their friends had their own families and life as we knew it...was time to work on this. I am not sharing this with all of you to feel sorry or take sides yet to realize there are changes in life that need to be addressed. We have good times and bad times yet when expressed through love and communication I believe is not decided on one or another sides yet... communication on family helping family.
Our cross country trip brought many feelings up for me. When your parents age you feel like wow what is happening I am directing them? As I crossed the states from NJ to AZ I realized if its meant to be its up to me. I scheduled the stops lovingly directing I was in charge of all their belongings which felt weird.... reflected on their feeling of working and earning and letting their daughter in total control realizing yes that must suck...
My parents always believed their doctors and I have regret on not educating them but I did not learn myself until I lived it with my son https://www.facebook.com/kidagainstchemo/ I watched my parents have side effects from the medications they were told to take. I am thankful I was there the night I flew in when my mom had the heart attack as the pharmacy prescribed the wrong medication that I so happened I did not give to her... and was called the next am by the pharmacy in distress hoping this medication was not given. This was this first time as an adult I realized my parents were overwhelmed, she could have died from the doctor's mistake. I understood they had friends in the area and a life long connection. It was hard for me to tell them look I will help you I am 3000 miles away.... My mom was so excited.... she longed for warm weather like I had...as the changes transpired there were good days and bad. I was so angry that her doctors back east told her there was nothing they could do about her itching and rashes. The determined daughter decided BULLSHIT and where there is a will there is a way and my mom is not going to suffer . That is when this picture became public to show people ... doctors don't know everything and they call it practicing medicine for a reason
I will never forget talking to my moms endocrinologist.. he told me there was nothing he can do! Really? I have no medical degree just a little smarts and a lot of compassion for the patient! Top picture is 2 weeks after I started treating my mom. Now 7 weeks later she is up 10 pounds and sleeping through the night with very little itching if any.
My mom and I went to a local garden the other morning and we were talking about herbs. Total subject change I know but..... As the warmth of the sun hit her face I smiled at the thought she is with me through her journey of a better quality of life. I was so thankful on that moment. Which is why this blog subject came to life I started months ago.
Families go through things... things that suck, things that are unimaginable. Maybe there is regret after death that cannot be reversed. I am thankful to say my parents.. their move to Arizona has been a family effort with a lot of sacrifice on both parts.
Here's to a lot of learning with boundaries and love. My Dad is a tough student but has lost 30 pounds and is open minded after getting off one of his medicines and 2 more next appointment.
I am thankful to spend this time with my parents. Tonight they are spending the first night in their home and I feel a little like my children.... ok.... letting go is hard.... its been hard for my parents and hard on all of us.... So many times in your life you need to let go but yet that is where the biggest blessings happen.
I try to say to myself... were you there when they fell in love? No... you came along many years after! Honoring the growth of each other is very important and please be an advocate for your parents and older friends that need you . They may not have anyone questioning their care. As I watch my parents heal and pass the reins to help make decisions on their care and life, I know they will not have forever here on earth but the quality of their life is more important to them than quantity....
Watching my parents need my help has been so emotional for me as they have always been my strength and my go to.. I must have bitched a thousand times about Jared's doctors or my life and just stuff..... they were always there... now the tables are turned and its a whole new world..
Thank you for following us and for listening and hopeful for learning to spread love to you and your family. We will continue to share our trials and above all how many couples do you know in your 70's would leave everyone they have ever known to move 3000 miles to help themselves have a better quality of life? MY PARENTS ROCK!
I love you guys and am thankful you are my mom and dad... through it all we have each other. So excited for the little things now that you are so close. Stopping by their home 2-3 times daily is a real blessing for us both. Sunday dinners are new memories! I am so thankful for my mom and dad and want them to know how many times they keep saying they are proud of me? I am proud of them.
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