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Jared's Birth

Love Yourself Love Your Health Naturally~ Lisa
Jun 29, 2016
4 min read

Finally I was considered full term and they were ready to induce labor. As we made our way to the hospital I was so excited to see Jared. His brother was excited and I kissed him goodbye as he waited with my parents in the waiting room. Six hours later Jared entered this world. As I made eye contact I knew something was wrong. Jared was a beautiful baby just shy of 7 pounds. As I held him I noticed a blue tint to his skin. I saw his nails were a blackish color. I stared for a moment and kissed his head. He was like an ice cube! I couldn't believe the doctors and nurses thought he was fine. As he cried I noticed he was gasping for breath. Of course I asked the doctors and nurses and questioned them. They told me "You are tired and a bit over protective, get some sleep."

As my mom walked in she asked why he was so cold? I informed her of what I was told and of course she, as I thought the doctors knew best and had faith in the hospital staff. The night went on and I was trying to breast feed but he would gasp for air. The nurses told me to try harder and hours later they accused me of not trying hard enough and came in with formula. One of the nurses tried to feed him and he gurgled and threw up as he gasped for air. I piped up and said "I have a three year old at home, I know there is something wrong with Jared!"

Two days later Jared was released and his body temperature was below normal. I was instructed by the nurses to wrap him up to keep him warm. As I walked into my home with my baby boy I was comforted. My own bed, the nursery was ready, my own shower and I was away from that negative hospital experience. Thomas ran up to greet his little brother. I handed Jared to my mom while I got settled and glanced at his baby booties adorning the words boy written in a tiny blue heart. My mom again asked me about why he was so cold. I told her the recommendation was to wrap him up to bring his body temperature up. I was so disgusted thinking how they made me feel like a criminal questioning their judgement.

I walked away and for a moment envisioned my children growing up together and all the holidays and birthdays to come. Thats not to much to ask I thought for a reality for a mother. It was my way of trying to convince myself my intuition was not right. I said goodbye to my parents and thanked them for watching Thomas. They had to head to the store and asked if I needed anything. Besides my sanity which I felt I lost a bit of by the accusing hospital staff there was nothing I needed but to curl up with my two boys and to be thankful for this time. After I said goodbye to my parents that would be the last time they would see their daughter as the same person. I would no longer be carefree and hopeful. Well at least not for a long time. I would become hardened by the hurt that was about to change who I was. I will never forget the moment my parents left. I see it in slow motion today. I grieve the person I was before such a traumatic event. I forgive the hospital staff even though because of them I went through these next moments. The house was quiet. I could hear the ticking of our clock. I stared at Jared as he turned gray. I put the television on for my older son Thomas and took Jared in the other room. I blinked and stared again. Did I just see that? I started doubting myself, are the nurses right? Maybe he needs a nap. As I went to lay Jared in his bassinet I heard NOOOOO! It was so loud in my mind I was like did I just hear that? It was clear to me he was going in and out of consciousness. I dialed 911 and stared at my son as he started to spasmodic breaths and I saw my dreams fade. How was I going to tell his brother Jared was gone? How was this happening? This happens to other people not our family. "Please hurry its my newborn son."

******JARED HOURS AFTER HE WAS BORN******

I ran out the door holding Jared. I smelled the fall crisp air. I thought of Thanksgiving approaching. I was realizing in the blink of an eye your life can change. I had never experienced such fear and loss. I heard the sirens fast approaching. I kissed his head and engulfed his baby smell. I wanted to memorize his hands and feet that I carried in my womb for nine months. As the sirens got closer I pulled myself together these sirens are for Jared. I had heard sirens before but never for my family which felt much more intrusive and terrifying. The ambulance was on my street waving my one arm with my son lifeless ,I screamed "Save my son."

My neighbor ran over with the commotion. These were the days before cell phones. I could not call my parents. My neighbor stayed with Thomas until she could get a message to my parents. I stared at my son as the sirens blared towards the hospital. What would it feel like to have him hug me back? How will his voice sound? I may never know. Rushing into the emergency room tubes flying and Iv's being inserted, it was chaos. They escorted me to the waiting room and informed me he would be transported to a larger hospital. We were told not to follow the ambulance as he was high risk and traveling very fast. When we arrived to the next hospital I waited with family. Jared was being stabilized and we were waiting. READ MORE: www.lulu.com/commerce/index.php?fBuyContent=16134386.